We met in college and were instantly attracted towards each other, as a perfect match and had a single intention to marry each other. But my parents were against it so we decided to get married secretly, and decided that when the time of my graduation comes I will work on convincing my parents again. But it was all in vain. I thought it’s a waiting period; it will take them time and social pressure to finally give in but things didn’t work that way. In the meanwhile, my mother has brought me abroad for fear of my interaction with my husband.
My husband who is in Pakistan calls me up and says I can’t do this anymore. My husband thinks he is right and I am being selfish. He is acting and talking so righteously; he says he talked to some religious scholars and they told him not to listen to me because I’m thinking selfishly.
Answer
Marriage is a contract between a man and a woman made public. In our country we have a proper process to get it formally done. I don’t know what you mean when you say that you did your nikah secretly. I mean, that is how a marriage is distinguished from Zina. In the former case the relevant people, especially the close ones, are made aware of the arrangement in which the husband and the wife come into formal contract. In a Muslim marriage, the relatives do play an important role in that if there are problems, those are sorted out by the ‘support group’. It is to avoid precisely the situation you are faced with today that such measures are taken. And you say that a person as important as your mother doesn’t even know that you were married! Where did you get this concept of marriage from?
The kind of love you two developed can be felt between any two young man and woman if they get together in a certain set of circumstances. And it is a time-tested experience that if the circumstances are adequately removed, the feeling of love declines or disappears. This is what the man you call your husband has experienced recently.
I would suggest you sincerely repent to God, remove your stubbornness, and live a life of reality.